Why is it in some people’s nature to be judgmental about everything? Why can’t they live and let live? They just pick, pick, pick and shake their heads in disapproval. To be fair, I’m one of those people (pot, meet kettle) but I usually reserve my judgemntal-ness for people I don’t know. You know, the crack heads on TV that get themselves locked up (or worse); the parent that refuses to control the screaming kid; Casey Anthony, etc.
I can hear you now (you judgmental types, that is): “You don’t know those people; you don’t know what they’ve been through; maybe you need to live their lives for a while.” Blah, blah, blah. I don’t need to walk a mile in their shoes–I can see they’re a wreck from over here. You may be right and I can see where your argument has merit. However, I think it’s far worse (more worse? worser?) when you are judged by someone you know. Like, your mother.
I am not 16, nor 18, nor 27. I am >35, on my second marriage and on the smarter end of the scale. So why is it that my mother continues to disapprove of many of my decisions? They’re MY decisions. She has this thing where she needs everyone (read: her two daughters) to be on the same page as her, regardless. When that doesn’t happen, the inevitable sigh, cryptic message, expression, what have you, rears it’s ugly head and my sister and I feel inferior and pissed.
It’s fine if you don’t agree with our choices. It’s not your life to live. What’s NOT OK is the attempt to induce guilt by your words and or actions. If you don’t agree with your children’s decisions/choices, FAKE IT! Tell it to Dad when we’re not around. Don’t sigh, roll your eyes, leave enigmatic little messages on voice mails and FB walls and in general, make us angry. We’re not children. We are adults living our lives. They’re not the lives you’ve lived, or even want us to live, but they’re ours. It’s not that we don’t love you. It’s just that we’re NOT you.
Hi,
Nice to know that you are a Special Ed teacher..I am trying to get my first Spec Ed job..have had several interviews but no cigar yet. I think parents will ALWAYS view their offspring as children and will ALWAYS show displeasure with their choices unless of course you marry a rich lawyer and live in the Hamptons! Deep inside their DNA parents want the best for their children and have preconceived notions of what it should be instead of what it is possible..although they themselves have a hard time articulating what advice they can give without sounding overbearing. My guess is that your mother’s behavior is out of frustration because she has not really developed a life of her own that does not include family. If she kept busy with other things she would probably leave you and your sister alone.
Hope to read more from you!
Layne
Thanks for the perspective! Good luck with the job search-it’s tough out there these days.